Giving thanks. Isn’t that really what the holidays are supposed to be all about? Thanksgiving for what we do have. Time to be with the people we love. Making time for self care and doing what feels good to each of us. This is what the holidays have come to mean to me.
I have so much to be thankful for this year. I have friends who love me and wanted to spend the day with me. Friends who invited me to their home to be with them. I wasn’t able to attend due to my own plans. I had friends who chose to come spend time in my home with me throughout the day. Jo came in the morning. Annie spent all day. Kate stopped by in the afternoon. My phone rang throughout the day.
I am thankful my brother is on the mend. Slowly he is getting more stable from a massive pulmonary embolism which had him in ICU for about two days. Lots of love and prayers going out to him and my family from friends all around the world.
What I am grateful for above and beyond all else is a nice man I met by chance on Wednesday. I was so angry with my phone company that I went to yell at the office. I wasn’t able to do that, so I took a walk. Along the way, I wandered into a little optomety store near my home. I began talking to this man working there. Soon I came to find out that he is the owner. He immigrated from Kenya 7 years ago. Amazing the things you find out about people in only a moment. I walked away from Felix with such a renewed sense of hope and inspiration for Benneth’s arrival and positive immigration. He told us to keep up a good fight and be persistent. He assured me that Benneth will be able to find work here upon arrival. That a mixed marriage isn’t such a difficult thing in Sonoma County like it was years past. I walked away from this man, Felix, telling him he was my Thanksgiving Gift.
The stress of the distance and many months apart have put such a strain on Benneth & me. It seems that we have argued more in the past two months than we have in the past two years. Not just seems… we have! Even the faith which has held us together has been tested and grounds for argument. How can people who love each other so much fight over everything just because they miss one another so much? The need to be together is the only reason Ben & I ever argue.
How do we solve this need to be together? Where does the time off come from to allow me to be there? Where does the money come from to get me there? Where does the money come from to pay for the attorney fees to have a successful case?
The need for my Benneth at the holidays is killing me. It’s so hard to be apart. Being here with my friends and family… but not having HIM is utterly painful and disheartening. Smelling the scents and spending hours cooking for everyone except him. Wrapping gifts for everyone but him. Singing Christmas carrolls with everyone except for Ben. The need to with him and hold him… tell him I love him. Talking on the phone and video chatting just isn’t the same as holding him in my arms!
Felix gave me hope again. The ability to stand strong and keep up the good fight. If one of us loses faith in the fight,we both might as well walk away. I hadn’t lost my faith…. just a temporary inability to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
SOON…. very soon… I will be with my Benneth!
As Jodie Sees It 